Office World

So far, the office world is not becoming of me. The collating machine is named "Hal" after the villainous computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey. You have to walk over skulls and crossbones to access the paper tray.
My first week was rocky. On the first day, I made 385 copies of the wrong document. On bright green card stock. The boss lunged at me, arms outstretched, and shrilled out in desperate panic, "WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

I actually had to jump out of her way. Her freakout opened my eyes to my own demons: I'm wholly impulsive, and my emotions carry me away sometimes; they blow me up with colors, I get excited. I walk on clouds and lava, clouds and lava.

It's really fucking annoying to be on the receiving end of a fiery personality like that. I saw the future of my impetuousness in that crazed little woman's eyes.

I gave a couple of the girls in the office this whole speech about standing up for themselves. Who am I to tell them shit, I know. "If you're not respected here, get the fuck out!" I said. "You, you want to paint! Paint! Quit taking their shit."

I can see how that was irritating of me.

Christian Haterade

I hallucinated picketers outside Planned Parenthood on my way to work this morning. They were robed in rags and scarecrow hair, three vagrants holding cardboard signs written in an alien language.

Later in the day, I found a beautiful hardcover book about the hippie generation. I would have a zero-tolerance policy for naked females riding my shoulders at a concert. I can't believe how many men were willing to have all those bare, bushy labium wrapped around the backs of their necks like feeding animals.

The book was abundant with protests. Middle-aged parents marching in support of their gay children, holding signs like, "I will not be a closet mom." A plump man in a business suit, "I am proud of my gay son." There were photos of the women's liberation protests at the '68 and '69 Miss America Pageants. Racial equality protests. A profusion of protests to end the war.

Things are different now. It seems the majority of protests in this nation are hags and fundamentalists taking a piss on the things I thought were no-brainers in Now, The Future: GLBT rights, and a woman's right to decide her body's fate. What the fuck happened to us?